


The Secret of Yoglabs

by Lilith_Teki



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Gen, Yogscastbigbang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:06:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_Teki/pseuds/Lilith_Teki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trio of con-men decide to investigate the rumors surrounding the mysterious Laboratory, but are less than prepared for what they find in the maze of the Yoglabs complex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret of Yoglabs

**Author's Note:**

> My writing peace for the Yogscast Big Bang project, it became much longer than I anticipated but I think it eventually came together well. All art was done by the amazing MessageRedacted ( http://archiveofourown.org/users/messageredacted), my fantastic partner for the project. Hope you enjoy!

The last fingers of sunlight were slipping away behind them as the trio crouched outside the huge silo door of the Yoglabs complex. They had been planning this for a while now; whispers of conversations overheard had fuelled their curiosity, and soon plans were being made, maps drawn and dates and times decided. It had ultimately been their conversation with Turps that had made them decide on today as the day they would investigate. All they had been able to gain from the man was that Xephos was working at the Dirtquest site with him and Sips that weekend. Apparently the spaceman had “some problems to be fixed” before he returned to his usual weekend routine of working in Yoglabs and showing it off to his dwarf companion.  
“I can’t believe how perfect this is.” Trott marvelled as he slid a stethoscope-like creation along the hard metal of the silo door, tapping the wall occasionally with a tiny hammer to make the metal sing. “To think that spacey bastard has all but handed us the key to explore Yoglabs. Oh, I can almost taste the deed for this place!”  
“I have a feeling this is going to be our biggest exploit yet.” Smith grinned, following Trott on his slow journey along the silo with his assortment of long, pointed, twisted, metal sticks. Used only for lock picking, of course. “What do you think we’re going to find? Hordes of precious gems? Fancy new tech for the taking? Secrets of priceless value?”  
“I’m hoping for the latter.” Ross smiled as he rummaged through one of the many backpacks he had been given to hold while the others worked on breaking them in. “It would make for a much more interesting investigation. Plus it would really piss him off.”  
“Oh yea, now that’s always fun.” snickered Trott, before he paused in his slow journey to listen at a new point in the wall. “Just a sec, Smith, I think I’ve found it.”  
Only the tap, tap, tap, of Trott’s hammer broke the silence that fell over the men, who watched with breaths held and eyes wide. The wonders behind the metal seemed to draw closer with every ring of the hammer.  
“Got it!” Trott exclaimed, sliding a tiny piece of the metal away to reveal a small hole. “Just here, Smith. The lock sounds small and long, so it may be a bit of trouble.”  
Smith laughed as he moved his tools to where the lock had been revealed. “You underestimate me, good sir.”  
“Shut up, you prick, and just get it open.” Ross chuckled, swinging his bag back onto his shoulder.  
As he promised, it only took a few minutes of fiddling and twisting before there was a resounding clunk and a large chunk of the wall in front of them could be swung aside. They hastily returned their tools to the backpacks and, swinging them onto their shoulders, eagerly pulled the hidden door open and stepped through into the small room that sat behind.  
Glancing up, Ross could just make out some huge, undistinguishable writing traced across the wall above them. “What’s the bet,” He said with a smirk “that that reads Yoglabs. Or ‘Welcome to Yoglabs’.”  
“Or ‘Xephos’ sex dungeon’.” Trott snickered.  
“Or ‘Welcome to the biggest fucking house this side of Minecraftia’.”  
“Not sure if there’s enough room for that, Smith.” Ross chuckled.  
“You don’t say.” The green man raised an ‘eyebrow’ before stepping towards their next obstacle. In front of them sat another door, luckily not hidden in the wall this time. By some happy coincidence it was hanging slightly ajar, so the trio quickly slipped through into the laboratory.  
They were met with a brightly lit room that could only be called a reception. They were standing at the top of a small set of stairs; coloured lines ran across the shiny white floor and disappeared down corridors that stretched away into the belly of the Labs. As their eyes wandered up, they could see a walkway twisting across the wall above a simple reception desk. It appeared to lead to a small booth hanging from the ceiling that carried the sign ‘Testificate Security’. Bright lights flashed at them from barely visible rooms hiding down the halls that lay before them. The whole building seemed to reek of power and the unknown, and they couldn't help the grins that spread across their faces at the promise of the unfathomable goldmine that lay ahead of them.  
“This is going to be fucking epic!” Smith cheered as he strode down the steps into the room.  
“Where the hell do we start? I just know this place is going to be massive,” Ross marveled as he stepped slowly forward, eyes to the heavens.  
“You’re right about that, mate. Check this out.” Trott had found his way to the reception desk and was examining a neat map he had found crumpled and partially spread across the dark counter surface. “Shit, this place must stretch for miles! How did he even begin to make this?”  
“Beats me.” Smith shrugged as he joined Trott at the desk and begun rummaging through the papers that were stacked across its surface. “Maybe he captured a bunch of Testificates to work for him.”  
“Or created himself an army of slaves.” Ross locked eyes with Smith, his face the model of seriousness. Then he burst out laughing.  
“Go suck a dick, Ross.” Smith rolled his eyes “You’re a fucking idiot. That’s not even possible.”  
“Never say never, boys.” Trott chuckled as he turned away from the map “Who knows, we could find the reincarnation of Michael Jackson down here. In Yoglabs, anything’s possible!”  
“Is that their logo or some shit?”  
“Nah, made that up on the spot. Come on, our night will be gone before we can find any sweet, sweet treasure. Let’s get this party started!”  
Smith shrugged and tossed the papers he had been holding back onto the desk. “That sounds like a great idea, Trotty, I can’t believe you came up with it all by yourself.”  
“Yeah, Trotty, what a splendid idea! How thoughtful of you.”  
“I hate you both. Now move your butts. I’m not waiting for you.” And with that Trott plodded off down the right-most of the corridors.  
Smith and Ross exchanged a look before heading after their friend, knowing full well that a stout walrus man could hardly out-walk the spindliest slime-man in existence and the embodiment of lumberjack Abraham Lincoln. But no comment was made, as precious time was slipping away and an argument, while fun, would do nothing to help them in their explorations.  
Either side of the corridor was lined with metal door after metal door; to their right lay a set of matching bathrooms, a nice touch to an otherwise boringly repetitive stretch of hallway.  
“So, do we pick a door at random?” Ross asked as they passed by their first set of doors.  
“I guess so…” Smith stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Trott, want to have the lucky first pick?”  
Trott snorted and glanced over at his green companion “Sure thing, buddy.”  
The trio stopped in their tracks as Trott turned to face the door that sat to his right. “Let’s have a go at this one, shall we?”  
“It’s as good a choice as any, mate.” Ross shrugged and stepped forward to examine the door. “Now let’s see if we can get this piece of shit open. Maybe there’s a lock we can--oh.” The doors in front of him slid closed again as he stepped off the pressure pad that sat neatly in the ground before them.  
“Well that was easy enough!” Smith laughed before placing his hand on Trott’s back and pushing him forward. “On you go, mate! The privilege of discovering the first secret is all yours.”  
Trott rolled his eyes at his companion before stepping forward onto the pressure plate to reveal the room beyond.  
“…Well, I can’t see fuck all.”  
“You need to go inside you dick.” Smith grinned and shoved his friend through the open door, following closely with Ross until the three of them stood side by side in a pitch black room as the doors slid shut behind them.  
“So, as fun as it is to stand here in the dark, anyone got a light?” Ross asked, glancing around as his eyes attempted to adjust to the sudden Darkness.  
“Give me a moment…” Smith muttered as he began running his hand along the wall to his left. “There must be a light switch here somewhere, just a sec… Voilà!” he exclaimed as his hand found a wooden lever and he pulled it excitedly.  
“HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” Trott screamed and stumbled backwards as the grotesquely lit face of a mechanical clown sprung into life, teeth chomping and eyes blinking in a disturbing and horrifying manner.  
“SHIIIIIIT!” Ross swore and fumbled to find the pressure pad to release them from this new hell.  
“What the fuck? What. The. Fuck!? Who the hell would make something like this?!” Smith exclaimed, mesmerized by the rhythmic chomp, chomp, chomp of the clown’s jaws. “I mean, really, what the fuck?”  
Soon the door slid open behind them and the trio made a hasty retreat; leaving the hideous face to its eternal teeth mashing as the doors slid shut once more. They stood in silence for a moment, each of them lost for words. Then they started to giggle, almost in shock, and it built and built until the three explorers were cackling messes crunched up in one of the Yoglabs hallways, all thoughts of their plans lost for the moment.  
“I’m going to make a suggestion,” Smith gasped as he struggled to regain his composure. “That we be more careful exploring the rest of the rooms?”  
“Agreed.” The others nodded through their shaky laughter, wiping tears from their cheeks as they straightened up.  
“Right. Onwards, my friends!” Smith grinned another one of his devilish grins and the trio set about their exploration once more.  
The next few rooms were much less exciting; splitting up so they could search both sides of the corridor, they discovered little of interest concerning their main goal. There was what looked like a kitchen/barbecue room, empty of any sign of life; a dark, dusty storage room; and a room that contained what looked to be a boxing arena, where the explorers entertained themselves for a few moments acting out some dramatic fight scenes.  
At reaching the fork at the end of the corridor, Ross was busy examining the room titled ‘break room’; toying with an elaborate coffee machine that appeared to be built into the wall, while Smith and Trott approached the final door on the left.  
“’Genetic experiments’? Sounds like what we've been looking for, Trottimus!” Smith smiled as he read the sign that sat beside the door. “Maybe there’s something of actual interest behind this.”  
“We can only hope.” Trott stepped forward to activate the pressure pad. As the door slid open, an echoing bang rattled down the corridor behind them, making the pair stop for a moment.  
“Did you hear that?” Trott whispered.  
“Yeah.”  
“Probably nothing?”  
“Probably nothing.”  
“Alright then.” And the two of them slipped inside. What lay before them was a series of large glass cases. Most of them sat empty, or with some gently bubbling clear liquid inside, but the things of real interest to the two men were the ones that weren't.  
Suspended in some of the vats were several creatures, all of varying heights and shapes that neither Smith or Trott had ever seen before. One resembled a sheep, but was slime green in colour and seemed to have jelly-like wool bobbing about its frame. Another was much smaller, almost the size of a silverfish, but for all purposes looked to be exactly the same as an adult cow. And the final one was the most fascinating, as it took on a humanoid shape, yet was covered in purple and red blotches, and as they got closer they could see what could only be described as a third eye sitting in the creatures forehead.

“Holy shit…” Trott breathed as he gazed up into the face of the creature, which stood like a statue inside a relatively small glass chamber. “What is that thing?”  
“No idea, mate.” Smith muttered as he stood briefly beside his companion to gaze at the spectacle “I’m guessing a failed--what did the sign say? Genetic experiment.”  
Trott shuddered and quickly turned away from the disturbing creature. “Well, whatever it is, it’s giving me the creeps.”  
“Oh poor Trotty, scared by a little mutated humanoid are you?”  
“Surprisingly enough Smith, yes I am.” Trott waddled over to a hard metal desk that sat near the back of the room. Beside it were several filing cabinets he only assumed were full of juicy documents. “Not all of us are sick, twisted bastards,” Trott muttered as he began to rummage through the first of the drawers.  
Smith rolled his eyes and went to follow his friend, but stopped to glance up at piping above them as a shaking rattle twisted its way through the metal. “Xephos should sack the guys who made this place.” Smith joked “The whole ceiling’s creaking like an abandoned house.”  
“If you say so.”  
“So, found anything exciting yet?” Smith sauntered over to join Trott in his search.  
“Nothing yet mate. Gotta be something here, though.”  
Smith glanced over his shoulder back at the creature “Damn well better be with something like that in here.”  
Time trickled away as the two men worked their way through the drawers of paper, their movements accented by the occasional creak and groan of the building around them. To their excitement, a small pile began to grow on the desk beside them as they found some possibly interesting papers to read into. By the time they had finished, a messy stack of files lay before them, and with excited smiles on their faces Trott opened the first tantalizing document.  
“June 3rd. Test subjects of Experiment #11573 appear to be responding normally. Unlike our previous attempts, there appears to be no discolouration in the skin pigments and no dramatic or obvious change in the patient’s mental state. Observations will continue for the next 24 hours under a strict quarantine. ” Trott read the first passage and turned to Smith, excitement sparking across his face. “Mate! This is what we've been looking for!”  
“No shit, Trott. Sounds like some dodgy stuff Hatcorp could exploit.”  
“Agreed. Xephos is going to be PISSED.”  
Smith chuckled and grabbed another file from the desk “We can only hope.”  
“June 30th. A minor anomaly was observed involving the subject of cloning experiment #42…”  
“July 1st. Containment was breached momentarily but the subject was eventually subdued. Only minor casualties sustained…”  
August 14th. Storage facility is complete; the created clones may now be moved to the secure compound…  
August 22nd. Subject is responding normally…”  
“October 8th. Experiment #11604 was a success…”  
“October 9th. We are facing major setbacks to our programme due to unforeseen circumstances…”  
“October 11th. Subject #42 is to be placed in solitary confinement. Next experiment to be re-designed…”  
“Smith! Trott!” The shrill voice of their companion smashed through their consciousness and snapped them back to the outside world. “Guys! Guys please! Get back here!” Panic was tight in the other man’s voice, and the two men knew instantly that something was very wrong. They hastily shoved the handful of papers they had been reading into their backpacks before they rushed back out the room. As the doors slid open they saw in shock that the room opposite was empty. Lights flickered and blinked to create a disconcerting pattern by which to see, and as they stepped out into the corridor they were suddenly plunged into darkness.  
“Ross?! Ross where the hell are you?!” Smith stumbled foreword into the darkness, eyes straining helplessly.  
“This isn’t funny, mate.”  
“Ross? You bastard answer us!”  
“Guys…” The corridor flashed back into existence, and the two spun around to see their friend standing in the middle of the bright white hall, back to their exit. And he was not alone.  
“Hello, boys.” A rugged blond man stood grinning behind Ross; one hand was twisted around their friends’ neck, while the other waved at Smith and Trott. The man stood half a head shorter than Ross; messy hair matted with gunk of unknown origin, and tattered lab coat hung off his frame stained with dulled chemicals and dark reddish marks that painted most of his body and features.

“I do apologise for this introduction my friends. Didn't mean to scare you. But you must admit, I know how to make an entrance.” He snickered to himself, eyes bright as he watched the two men before him. “Now, I know how this may look.” He smiled and patted Ross’ head with his free hand. “But I assure you your friend is in absolutely no danger. Well, not yet. You see, you three aren't supposed to be here. Oh, but you knew that didn't you?”  
The two men stood frozen, shock sticking words in their throats and making them watch helplessly as the madman toyed with their friend. Who the hell was this guy? Where had he come from? And why the fuck was there anyone else in Yoglabs in the first place?  
“So, since you’re really not meant to be here, naturally, I can’t allow you so stay. The master would be most displeased if he found out I let our little secrets slip out the door with the three of you.” The man suddenly threw his head back and laughed viciously. “Oh how RUDE of me, I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself. My name is Lalnable, Lalnable Hector, if you will. A name those pesky scientists thought would be ironic. Such annoying little creatures.”  
Lalnable’s head snapped forward and locked eyes with Trott, who reflexively took a step back.  
“Where was I? Ah yes. Now, I could be nice and simply grab you by the scruffs and toss you back into the outside world, which is never much fun I have to say. But, unfortunately for you, it appears you already know too much. Such a shame I had to find you coming out of that room. Otherwise you might just have gotten away with it.” He chuckled darkly, moving his gaze slowly over to Smith. “So now, my dear boys, the only option I have left is to kill you! Bit of an inconvenience for you, it’s true, but I assure you, I will take the utmost pleasure in it.”  
Anger bubbling up inside him, Smith went to take a step forward and confront the mad creature that stood before them, but before he could, a sharp blade was in Lalnable’s free hand and pressed against Ross’s throat.  
“Ah ah ah, now you don’t want me to ruin my fun, do you? You see, I could easily kill you all right now. Hell, I could have killed you all a while ago—I have been watching you for some time—but I didn’t. Would you like to know why? Because that’s no FUN! Where’s the joy in slitting your throats with a flick of my wrist and crawling back to my room to sulk? Nowhere, boys! So that’s why I’m going to give you a head start. A count of 5? No, 10? 10 sounds good. And I’ll even let your pal here join in on the fun. So run, boys! Find your way out and to safety. Just make sure you make it fun for me!”  
Ross was thrown sprawling across the hard floor, coughing viciously and clutching his bruised throat.  
“You’re a fucking psycho!” Trott spat as he and Smith ran forward to help Ross back to his feet.  
“One…”  
“Trott, let’s get out of here.” Smith’s voice was tight as he began backing away, pulling Ross with him.  
“Two…”  
“What!?” Trott spun to face his retreating companions. “Are we going to just let him get away with this? He nearly killed Ross. He’s threatened to kill us! That’s fucking bullshit.”  
“Three…”  
“Trott. We need to go. Right now. Don’t fucking question me. Just move.” Smith locked gazes with Trott, his eyes pleading, before glancing meaningfully back at the mad scientist.  
“Four…”  
Trott turned to follow his gaze and was shocked to see the change that had already taken place to the grotesque figure. The disturbing smile had not left Lalnable’s face, but his eyes were glowing a deep red. The blade in his hand seemed to twist and grow before their eyes, and his lab coat flicked around him as if stirred by a harsh wind.  
“What the fuck…” Trott cursed under his breath as the stumbled backwards towards Smith.  
“Five…”  
“Trott. RUN.”  
The three men spun around and sprinted off down the corridor, left at the T junction that marked the end, and onwards past another set of rooms towards the small archway that framed the end of the hall. All the while the steady counting of the creature behind them bit at their heels and pushed them on in search of a way out. Before they knew it, they were in a huge circular room. Everything was made of wood, a stark contrast from the hallway they were just in, and covering the walls were stacks upon stacks of books. To their right a small green building sat partially built into the larger room’s wall. Smith went to head for it but was stopped by Ross’s hand snatching at his sleeve.  
“Are you crazy?” He coughed, pulling Smith back towards Trott, who was leaning over the fence that stretched around the large hole that fell away through the centre of the room. “Where do you think that thing’s going to look for us?”  
“In the brightly lit, obvious room. Right, got it.”  
“Were going to have to jump,” Trot muttered in a shaky voice, eyes peering down into the darkness below.  
Smith glanced over the edge, before placing a firm hand on the railing in front of him. “I guess so.” And with that he swung himself over the fence and disappeared into the pit.  
“Smith!” Ross hissed, straining his eyes through the darkness to try and catch a glimpse of his friend.  
“Guys, there’s another level, use your eyes. Hurry the fuck up and jump, he’s going to be here any second.”  
With only a moment’s hesitation the other men leapt the railing and crashed down onto the second level, where Smith grabbed them and dragged them into the shadows.  
“What are we going to do now?” hissed Trott as the trio crouched together beside one of the many sets of shadowy bookshelves.  
“In all honesty, I have no idea,” Smith breathed, eyes glued on the light that streamed from the corridor entrance. “Shh! Shh. Shit, be quiet.” Smith’s voice was twisted by panic as a shadow spread across the bright light.  
With breaths held and hearts racing the trio waited in silence as the floor creaked with steps growing closer, closer.  
“Oh come now, boys, hiding already?” Lalnable’s deep chuckle echoed across the giant library, brushing past the huddled men and sending a shiver down Trott’s spine.  
They didn’t dare move. As much as they wished to catch a glimpse of their hunter, to know where he was prowling, common sense kept them still and confined to their uncomfortable position on the floor. Lalnable’s voice suddenly came echoing from the other side of the room, making the trio jump. How was he there already? It was impossible to move that fast, surely…  
The seconds ticked on into minutes. Lalnable, as Ross predicted, was heard to be scouring the small green room above them, then the bookshelves. Then the two beady red eyes appeared through the darkness to gaze into the pit. Thankfully, by some miracle, the trio went undiscovered, and finally Lalnable cried his last taunt to the cavernous room, turned on his heel and disappeared back out into the corridor.  
It was a few moments still before anyone felt sure enough that they could talk or move once more, and with some hushed whispers the three men scrambled to their feet.  
“What the fuck have we gotten ourselves into…” Trott breathed, eyes wide and disconnected as he tried to come to terms with the situation they had found themselves in.  
“Lord knows.” Ross sighed as he glanced back up towards the top floor. “It’s not exactly what I meant when I said I wanted priceless secrets. Did you guys find anything of actual use in that room anyway?”  
Trott wordlessly handed Ross one of the crumpled folders hidden in his backpack. “Well, we found out what kind of experiments they’re performing. At least at the moment anyway.”  
“And they would be?” Ross began flicking through the pages, brows knotted in confusion.  
“Clones, mate. These lunatics are making clones. Hundreds, thousands of them. Fuck, they’ve probably even got clones of you and Trott and me in here somewhere,” Smith muttered.  
“How is that even possible?” Ross spluttered in disbelief. “And why the hell would they want clones of everyone?”  
“You didn’t even tell him the best part, Smith.” Trott, having regained some of his composure, turned to face his companions. “They’re not just making plan old clones, mate, they’re experimenting with their DNA. Trying to make hybrid clones, if you will.”  
“But why?”  
“How the fuck should we know?” Trott snapped.  
“Ok guys, as great as this talk is and all, we really need to get the fuck out of here. Like, right now.” Smith’s words reminded them of the danger they were still in, and quickly their minds shifted from thoughts of the deeds going on they had uncovered, to the deeds going on as they spoke.  
“Sorry, Smith.” Trott strode over to the balcony so he could get a good view of the floor above. “The real problem we’ve got right now is how the hell do we get back up?”  
“Damn, that is going to be a problem.” Smith frowned.  
“Maybe you could try giving me a boost up.”  
“Yeah but then you’d have to pull me up, and I’m not sure if that would work.”  
“Pull one of the book cases over to use as a ladder?”  
“Maybe. A bit risky with all the noise it’s going to make.”  
“Or we could, you know, take the stairs.”  
Trott and Smith turned to see Ross standing at the foot of a small staircase that had been concealed behind one of the many shelves of books.  
“Sounds like a plan.” And with that the trio hastily made their way back up into the not-so-reassuring light of the top floor.  
“We still don’t have an actual plan, you know.” Trott reminded them as they crept back into the huge room.  
“I say we head straight for the exit. No messing with this maze and getting even more lost. Just straight back down the corridor, into the lobby and home-free out the front door.” Smith said, glancing at his companions.  
“You make it sound so simple.” Trott sighed. “But I guess there’s not really another option.”  
“Let’s just get this over with,” Ross muttered.  
The trio snuck silently back down the corridor, breaths shallows and eyes darting from door to door as they waited for the monster Lalnable to appear. The corridor was much longer than any of them remembered; the end stretching away ahead of them with no promise of coming any closer. They couldn’t run. As tempting as it was to charge full pace down the never-ending hall to the freedom that waited beyond, they knew after what they had seen in the library that their only chance was to reach the exit undetected.  
Tap. Tap. Tap.  
The trio froze as the tiny sound bounced down the corridor. Seconds felt like eternities as they waited, waited, but nothing else could be heard. Their desperation to reach the safety of the outside world drove the men to continue once again, the sound haunting the back of their minds.  
\--  
Lalnable grinned as he watched the three men crawl along below him. What silly creatures, he mused. Then he began counting down under his breath.  
\--  
Tensions were high as they continued on, slowly, slowly along the hellish hallway. A creak, a pause, and they would carry on, their hearts in their throats.  
\--  
“Ten… Nine… Eight…” He slithered his way over the twisting wires and disused railway. Closer, closer…  
\--  
“I can’t take this anymore,” whimpered Trott, his heart racing like a hummingbird’s.  
“Just hang on, mate.” Ross whispered in a strained voice. “We’re going to make it. Everything going to be fine, we’ll be fine…”  
\--  
“Seven… Six… Five…” He could smell them. He could taste their fear. And it was delicious.  
\--  
By some miracle the end seemed too finally be in reach. Just two more rooms, two more rooms, and then they’d be in the lobby with only two open doors between them and the outside world.  
\--  
“Four… Three… Two…” His eyes sparked with anticipation. His prey was coming closer. So close, so close now…  
\--  
One last door to pass and they would be there. They could be free of this nightmare.  
“One.”  
The corridor exploded with a flurry of frantic motion. Lalnable came crashing down from the heavens, down onto Trott’s back, cackling as his blade flashed and blood splattered across the harsh, white floor.  
“Trott!” Smith cried as he stumbled backwards with Ross. Blood bubbled over the white tiles from the twitching corpse. It was everywhere; it was on their clothes, sprayed across the wall behind them, even staining their hands… So much blood. How was there so much blood? And he hadn’t even screamed. He hadn’t made a god damned sound.  
“What a shame,” hissed Lalnable, prodding Trott’s all-too-still body. “It’s so much more fun when they struggle…”  
“You monster! I’ll kill you! I’ll fucking kill you!” Smith screamed as tears sprung into the eyes he now held fixed on the snarling face of Lalnable Hector.  
“No. Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Ross spluttered as he stared empty-eyed at the grotesque scene unfolding before him.  
Smith’s eyes locked with the bloody Scientists. The red orbs were blazing with a power, a pure destructive delight that dissolved any emotion within the green man, replacing it with one, rough emotion. Fear.  
Smith paled, a shaky hand groped for his companion, and they turned and ran. They ran from the madman that reeked of pain and death. They ran from the corpse, the memory of their friend. They ran through the empty lobby, up the stairs, and into the shut, soul-crushingly unmovable entryway door.  
“No! No no no no!” Ross’s voice cracked in panic as he struggled helplessly with the cold wood that blocked their way.  
“Fuck! No, it must be jammed. Pull it, no, push. No, shit. Move, move, move! Let me--“ Smith rambled frantically as a crushing dread began to consume them both.  
“It’s not going to work, Smith. Nothing’s going to work. Fuck. Fuck!”  
Smith’s eyes darted around wildly as his mind raced for a solution. How could they get the door open? Was there another way out? Where was Lalnable? Where the hell was Lalnable…  
“Move. We’ve got to move.” Smith turned suddenly and grabbed Ross painfully by the arm.  
“Smith? What the hell--“  
“We’re fucked if he gets us, mate. You hear me? Fucked. So we need to get the hell out of the open.”  
“But, the door? How else are we going to get out?”  
“There must be another way out. There has to be.”  
The duo raced back down the flight of steps and, without thinking, took the next nearest corridor, which lead off into the left wing of Yoglabs.  
Another sickeningly long hallway stretched out ahead of them. As they ran they caught glimpses of the signs adorning most of the new rooms and ways. They passed by a smaller hallway captioned “medical bay”, and then room after room that bore the names of unknown doctors and scientists they could only assume worked in this god-forsaken facility.  
“What could have driven these idiots to work in a place like this?” Smith spat as they passed yet another door that held a ridiculous name. “Are they even real people? Because Professor Vaskaboyni-whatever does not in any way sound like a--“  
A growl rumbled down the hallway, and the duo stopped in their tracks as a green mass came into sight; glaring at them from an ajar door only a few rooms away down the corridor. One giant arm was sticking awkwardly out of the small archway; clawing clumsily at the misshapen metal plates that blocked its way.  
“What the-“ Ross breathed.  
With another roar the creature pushed forward and the metal doors were flung across the hall. Marble and twisted metal bounced across the floor as the creature heaved itself into the hallway. In some aspects you may have described it as looking like a zombie, but this thing was far from man-sized. Bulging arms hung like an apes from a torso thick with veins and muscle; its eyes were a disturbingly piercing black, and the whole creature looked like a fucked up Christmas decoration in its colours of green and red.  
“Oh my god!” Smith swore, and the two men turned on their heels and rushed back down the corridor. Screams caught in their dry throats as they approached the only other hallway they had passed.  
“What the hell was that?!” squealed Ross as they rounded the corner of the medical wing and began heading up yet another new path. “Was Lalnable not enough?! Was Xephos thinking ‘you know what? A crazed psychotic mis-clone isn’t all that bad; I know what this lab needs: a giant fucking green zombie BASTARD!’”  
Smith let out a manic laugh that lasted much too long. “Jesus Christ, mate, what were we fucking thinking coming here? Hahah… We’re fucked! We’re so fucked!”  
As the two men slowly began to lose any sense of sanity, they finally arrived in the next room. A large red cross was the main feature of the small, lobby-like area. The front-most wall was part clear glass and behind it sat a room with a few desks and piles of stationary, nothing of much use to two men trying to survive being ripped to shreds. To their left ran another corridor, and without so much as a spoken word the duo continued further on into the medical wing.  
They could hear the creature behind them; grunts and roars echoed down the empty halls to chill their bones and give them that little reminder that they were screwed if they stopped moving. Unfortunately ,the end of the corridor was approaching fast, and with no realistic exit to be found in the small ‘Physical therapy room’ that sat invitingly before them, the two men continued on their mad dash without pause and ran into the last door on the right. Thankfully, this one opened for them.  
What lay ahead bought them to a stuttering stop. Carnage. That was the first word that came to mind. An absolute, soul chilling mess spread across the small hallway ahead of them. Blood was everywhere. This was no understatement: it dripped from the ceilings, was splashed across the walls and pooled in blotchy puddles across the floor. Then there were the bodies. So many bodies. Ross gagged at the sight and had to turn away as Smith stepped forward, his frazzled emotions silencing any shock or disgust he should have felt. As he drew closer he could make out some of the corpses’ features; most had large noses, wide eyes, and were wearing an assortment of lab and work clothes. Testificates, Smith noted. So they hadn’t been too wrong in their theories beforehand…  
Ross, having regained what remained of his composure, stumbled back to Smiths’ side. His dulled eyes drifting across corpse after corpse. It took them a moment to finally notice the other defining feature about the room, as all they could think about was the blood and gore that hung around them. The whole right wall was formed of thick, solid glass. Or mostly solid; as their eyes travelled down the hallway, a gaping hole could be seen in the glass wall. Shards of glass lay strewn across the floor and embedded in many of the bodies, but most of it would have fallen into the abyss that lay beyond the glass.  
Ross and Smith couldn’t help the sense of awe that came over them as they moved further into the hallway, stepping over corpses and through puddles of blood to better see the masterpiece that lay beyond. A glass room sat suspended seemingly impossibly within the large, dark room that was attached to the hallway. Cracks ran in intricate patterns across its clear wall faces, distorting the furniture that was scattered inside and leading to one, surprisingly small hole in its roof.  
It began to dawn on them what they were seeing: this wasn’t any old laboratory, or cage for an experiment. This was a prison. Or had been a prison. And as they came up close to the glass and could read the sign that hung haphazardly from the glass room’s front wall, their suspicions were confirmed.  
“Lalnable Hector.” Smith breathed.  
“If we have to say anything,” Ross muttered dryly “It’s that he knows how to make an entrance…”  
CRASH!  
The door behind them shuddered violently; a rumbling roar rolled through the thin wood, reminding the duo of the other creature that was after them.  
“Fucking hell, RUN!” Smith cried. The door slammed open behind them as they leapt over the mangled corpses and stumbled through the next door. Growls erupted down the hall as the creature began to power its way through the gory mess, while Smith and Ross almost slipped down a small set of stairs before twisting around the corner into yet another white corridor.  
“Do you think they have a theme going, Smith?”  
“Do I look like I give a fuck?”  
“Point taken.”  
Ross didn’t know why he had tried to joke around. What were they doing right now? Running for their lives from multiple creatures that wanted them dead. And Trott was gone. But that was it, wasn’t it? Trott was gone, and Ross was doing all he could to fill that void inside him as he and his remaining best friend continued to try and hang on to what was realistically probably their last few minutes of life. He wanted the joking and laughter back that they’d had when they had come here. For god’s sake, this wasn’t how he wanted to remember his friends: in states of fear and rage, when their friendship had nearly always only ever been laughter and jokes and poking fun at each other. So he had tried, tried almost subconsciously to snatch some of it back when there was nothing left.  
Letting this thought sink away, Ross turned his attentions back to where they were. This corridor was on the short side, and the pair had all but reached the end that forked off, once again, into a T junction.  
“Which way, Smith?” Ross panted.  
“Uhh…” Smith couldn’t think straight. Which way? Which way! What were they going to do? Oh gods--  
It felt as if the whole building shuddered as the door to Lalnable’s hallway was thrown off its hinges and smashed into the wall facing the bottom of the stairs. It would only be seconds before the creature rounded the corner and had sights on them. What were they going to do?!  
“In here!” Smith cried as they reached the end of the corridor, but rather than take a turn he headed straight for the small metal doors that sat slightly ajar before them. “Quick, Ross!”  
“Cleaning supplies??” Ross was baffled, but dashed after Smith into the room without hesitation. As they pulled the door closed behind them Smith caught a glimpse of the green mass thudding down the stairs. Then the door clicked shut. They stood in silence for a moment, rasping breaths accompanying their thudding hearts in a tortured rhythm.  
“Do you think he saw us?”  
“I don’t know mate.”  
“You didn’t see?”  
“NO.”  
“…Neither did I.”  
“Great.” Smith spun around and strode into the ‘Cleaning supplies’ room that they were now trapped in.  
It was simple, really: just your bog-standard cleaning cupboard. A little disappointing to be honest. There were a few shelves lining the wall, stacked with some neat branded supplies. Against the back wall were four lockers, one with its door hanging open on rusty hinges to reveal a small, shelf-less compartment. The only other things Smith made any effort to take note of was a stack of old mop and broom handles that sat in the corner. Weapons, possibly, if he could work out some way of sharpening them…  
“Smith, mate, we can’t just stand in here.”  
“Well what else are we going to do?”  
“I don’t know, maybe we could--“  
The door shuddered alarmingly as a great force knocked into it, sending many of the shelved items tumbling and setting the duo’s hearts racing once more.  
“Shit. He saw us.” Ross muttered, a sense of defeat already weighing hard on him.  
“What the fuck do we do now?”  
Ross glanced around, and his eyes stopped on the back wall. “Into the lockers?”  
“You’re not fucking serious.”  
The door shuddered once more. It was evident it wasn’t going to hold on much longer.  
“Right, into the lockers…”  
The two men dashed to the metal boxes and each pried a door open, revealing equally empty, yet still incredibly small spaces. With a final shared glance and nod, the two slipped inside their own metal tomb and pulled the doors shut in front of them. All they could see was what the small slits that adorned the front would allow. Only moments later the door shuddered one last time before it was reduced to a crumpled mess and the green creature thudded into the small room.  
No breath passed their lips. They stood, hearts racing, in their own tiny metal prisons. Trapped, and felling incredibly vulnerable and alone, they could hear the puff of breath as the beast pushed past shelf after shelf; the thud, thud, thud of his feet echoing the pounding in their own chests. It was the sound of a war drum, thought Smith numbly; the sound of impending doom. Still it came closer, closer, until they could have reached out and touched him, if they had been feeling that suicidal.  
Then it stopped. Huffing breaths seeped through the cracks to make them gag at the smell of rotting flesh. Slowly he raised a fist, eyes moving almost rhythmically between each locker.  
‘Please leave. Please just let us live.’ Ross thought desperately, eyes watering as his body began to scream for air.  
And still it stood, unmoving, silent. It was waiting for something, for a noise, for any indication that its prey was hiding only a few steps away. But it was obvious its attention span was less than long, and already it was beginning to turn its head away, mind soon to be captured by something else.  
‘If we can just hang on for a few more seconds.’ Ross could see dark blotches sparkling across his eyes as his body reached its breaking point. ‘Come on, just a few more seconds.’  
Ross’s body chilled as the silence was suddenly and harshly broken. Smith gasped desperately for air. It was so loud. So impossibly loud. But the creature had not reacted; it was still gazing over its shoulder as if something of great interest had caught its attention. Ross thought with some hope that maybe they had got away with it, and was about to take in his own much needed breath of air when, as if in a blur, the green mass of the creature’s fist flew through the air and slammed with a sickening crunch into the locker.  
Horrible sounds grated at his ears as the locker was torn apart and the crushed green man was lifted from the carnage. Ross could see blood dripping from between the fingers of the monster; see Smith struggling feebly against the grip and against his own broken, unresponsive limbs.  
“Smith!” Ross gasped, choking as he struggled to regain his breath and open the locker door; desperate to help free his friend from the fist of the creature. “Smith! Mate, hold on!”  
“Ross!” Smith cried through a broken chest. “Run!”  
Ross could see that it was hopeless; Smith was right, he should run. He should save himself while the beast was distracted. But he couldn’t lose Smith, he just couldn’t bear it.  
“Just hang on mate!” Ross turned and made a dash for the pile of broom handles they had spotted. A weapon. That was all he needed.  
“Ross…. Please! Just, Run. Run…”  
It was his last request. Smith’s familiar blue eyes stopped Ross in his tracks. This was what he wanted. Smith wanted to see Ross escape, and the bearded man knew Smith knew it was already too late for him. With all new tears stinging his eyes, Ross gave one final nod to Smith, who was still being slowly examined by the creature, and ran as fast as his legs could carry him back to the corradoor.  
Reaching the doorway, Ross couldn’t help himself as he glanced quickly back at his friend, just as the creature squeezed its fist shut.  
Ross tried to block out the scream that echoed after him as he stumbled back out and down the last available wing of the corridor, body weak and mind broken from the hell he had been put through. They were gone. They were both gone. His two best friends in the whole world. His companions for so many adventures, his partners in crime, that twat of a walrus and bastard of a green slime man. Gone, forever.  
Without realising, Ross had stumbled into a huge open room that sat at the end of the hall. Wiping his eyes, he raised his head to take in the impressive scene that lay before him. He was standing on a balcony that stretched all the way to the far end of the room. A huge pipe twisted out of its centre, while a set of stairs ran down to the floor below on his right. But it was the back wall that stretched down to the floor below that really caught his attention. Rows upon rows of identical pods sat built into the walls. Below each row sat a vent that could have been being used for anything. Ross couldn’t make out what lay hidden inside the glass pods, but he felt a chill go down his spine at the sight of them.  
His eyes still blurry, he stepped slowly forward until he was leaning up against the thick rail that spanned the balcony. Below him were quadruple versions of the pods lining the wall, huge masses of metal and glass that seemed to be steaming with an icy chill. Ross didn’t know if he should be scared or shocked anymore, but slowly, as if controlled by an outward force, he turned and made his way to the staircase and headed down to the bottom level. Maybe it was his underlying sense of curiosity that pushed him forward. It had been that desire for adventure and discovering the unknown that had bought them to this god awful laboratory in the first place, so he let himself stumble towards the pods to maybe find that secret his friends had now given their lives for.  
He froze with a shock when his eyes finally focused on the contents of one of the glass pods. They had read about it, yes. Smith and Trott had told him of the experiments, they had all suspected, but no scribbled notes could have prepared him for this. A person, unknown to him, stood frozen in the case of glass, blank eyes staring out unblinkingly for what no doubt could become an eternity. Thick pipes ran up from its back and neck, twisting out and above the pod to join the pipes from the three others in the centre of the metal contraption into which they were all built.  
Ross took another step forward, then another, until he was passing the unknown frozen figure and could see into the next pod, then the next. The next few faces were still unrecognisable, but as he rounded the third batch his heart leapt into his throat. It was Sips. He stood there, eyes as blank as the others, contained in the small frozen pod. Ross was too shocked to speak. He walked up and tapped on the glass, finding his voice to call the grey man’s name, but there was no response. Ross spun around to face another pod and was met with the glassy eyes of Sjin. His heart pounding like a drum, Ross rushed to the next frozen figure. There was Honeydew, that annoying bastard of a dwarf. Here he was. Ross couldn’t make sense of it. Why were they all here? Why was Honeydew here, especially? Surely Xephos wouldn’t have…  
His thoughts trailed off as he rounded the metal structure and saw the next pod. It was Trott. His friend, the man he had watched die on the floor of this very laboratory only minutes ago. He cautiously approached the pod, throat tight with emotion as he placed a hand gently on the cold glass surface.

“Trott? Mate? Can you hear me?” The frozen figure was unmoving, unresponsive. He might as well have been talking to a statue for all the good it would do. “Trott? Please, just be alive. Answer me. Please… I need you guys.” Ross matched his companion’s blank stare as tears trickled silently down his face. He stood there for an unknown amount of time, before his hand finally slipped from the glass and he turned slowly away, and came face to face with himself.  
Out of everything they had been through, all the panic-filled chases, the fear filled hiding; this was the moment that affected Ross the most. There he was. Him. No one else. His own, black haired, broad, suit-wearing self, contained frozen in a glass box. He starred into the identical blue eyes. He could see every mark, every blemish that made his face his. How, how? How had they got a clone of him? He assumed it was a clone. It was the only thing that in any way made sense. How else was he in there, while he was standing out here looking in at his frozen self?  
“This can’t be happening.” he breathed, backing away from the all-too-familiar being in front of him. “How is this happening? Oh my god…”  
Suddenly a deep roar echoed over the balcony down to where he stood. That brute was back. Shit. Ross spun around, looking frantically for someplace to hide. At the back of his mind he was asking himself why he was even bothering. Why try and hide when his death was inevitable? But nevertheless he searched, and was rewarded when his eyes landed on one of the small vents built into the back wall. Without looking back Ross dashed to the new exit. His eyes caught a flash of green as he passed by another set of pods, but he refused to turn and look. Seeing Trott was enough. He couldn’t bear to see his other friend condemned to the same fate.  
The grate came off surprisingly easily, and without looking back he crawled inside. He just had to keep moving, running from all the horrors he had discovered, and delaying the inevitable. He was plunged into a world of echoing silence. The freezing metal bit at his arms and legs, and the only sound was the rattle and tap as he pulled himself along. Had it seen him? Would it even be able to get him now of it had? And what of Lalnable? Where was that psycho lurking now, and where would this metal tunnel take him? He crawled for what felt like a lifetime, twisting down turn after turn, picking an unknown path through the maze of vents he guessed spread all across the laboratory. And as he continued deeper and deeper in, he began to hear things. Not big, loud, obvious roars, or the banging and crashing of a creature rushing down one of the tunnels to get him. They were quiet, just on the edge of hearing sounds that put every nerve in his body on edge. A clink sounding at the end of one passage, sending him scurrying down the next; a creaking and groaning that seemed to be coming from all around him; and a continuous tap, tap, tap that echoed down every corner he turned. It sounded like the drip of water from a leaking tap. Maybe it was just water. Some very loud, constantly moving water….  
Something was coming. Something was stalking him. His heart fluttered at any sound, any flash of shadow across a lit grate. It was getting closer. Tap, tap, tap. It was getting closer and he had no way of escaping it. It was getting closer, so close now that Ross could almost feel its breath on the back of his neck. He twisted around suddenly, hoping to at least catch a glimpse of his stalker before he was removed from this world. But there was nothing there; the vent behind him stretched out empty. There were no sounds, no taps, nothing that would say he was in any danger.  
“Hello. Ross,” a familiar voice purred into his ear, and before he could react there was a sharp pain at the back of his head and the vent before him was consumed by blotchy darkness, until he could hear, see, and feel no more.  
\---  
Shoes squeaked across a pristine hallway. His legs pulled like anchors behind him. There was creaking and shuddering as doors were pushed open, and suddenly he was thrown sprawling across the blank, white floor. His body was aching, broken. Ross struggled to keep his swollen eyes open as he pushed himself up off the floor to see where he had been dumped.  
A wall of brightly lit screens blinked down at him. All appeared to show different scenes he guessed were found throughout the Yoglabs complex. Some of the smaller screens, however, appeared to be playing their own little scenes over and over again. A shadowy figure dashing all too fast down a dark hallway; glass smashing from some unknown force as Testificates rushed about frantically; three figures creeping down a corridor and a flash of movement as something leapt from the ceiling. Ross looked away before he had to see anything more.  
Glancing behind him, Ross could see nothing else; darkness consumed any exit that may have laid waiting for him, any escape. As he continued his useless search he met two red, glowing eyes hidden in the darkness, and he knew without a doubt that all hope of making it out was lost.  
“Hello! And welcome to Yoglabs!”  
Ross twisted back around from his position on the cold ground to watch the approach of a new figure. He was unmistakable; with his finely styled beard and hair, his iconic red coat with its glistening golden trim. Xephos smiled at Ross as he strode casually closer, blue eyes glowing down at him in a mirror of the screens that flickered at his back.  
“I’m so sorry we had to meet in such a way, friend. My condolences to your companions.”  
Ross stared at the man, eyes wide with shock. “Condolences? Condolences! You’re the one who fucking killed them!”  
Xephos raised an eyebrow at the crumpled man. “I killed them? I’d say you killed yourselves by coming in here, after all the precautions I have in place.”  
“Didn’t do a very good job, did you?”  
“Oh, I don’t know. I have you here, don’t I?” Xephos turned and sauntered back along the line of computers, eyes passing lazily over the flashing screens. “None of my little secrets will be allowed to escape, so I’d call that a success. Now colour me impressed: no begging for your life, no desperate promises of eternal silence, et cetera, et cetera. I may have been wrong about you three…”  
“Well, I’m going to die, aren't I?” Ross spat through his bloodied mouth. “You’re going to kill me. Or make that bastard kill me. So there’s no point. I’m screwed either way.”  
“Yes...” Xephos strode slowly back toward Ross, his head still turned to watch the many screens. “Unfortunately these are just the measures we have to go to when someone, ahem, breaks in to our little facility.”  
“I get it, you've got me, I’m trapped and I’m going to die. Why don’t you just say what’s going on here? I can tell you’re desperate to boast, and I’m not going anywhere.” Ross’s mind was racing as even now he tried to think of a way out of this mess. Stall Xephos, by himself more time. Then maybe he might have a chance…  
Xephos sighed and shook his head; a smirk playing at his lips. “Oh Ross, what do you take me for? A Bond villain?”  
Before he could move, a gun was in the spaceman’s hand, and Ross’s brain was splattered across the room’s floor.  
\---  
“HELLO! And welcome back to Hat Corp!” Smith cried with one of his cheeky grins, turning to face his two companions. The Hat Corp base was freshly re-decorated after yet another missile incident, but now it looked as good as ever, and they had a good feeling about what mischief they would be getting up to today. “So, what’s the plan for today, lads?”  
“Well, we have some more dirty deed dealings to take care of.” Trott chuckled.  
“And them flux buddies are going to need a right good taking to,” laughed Ross.  
“With missiles, mate?”  
“Oh, now where would a chat with those fluxy bastards be without missiles?”  
“Too right. Let’s get to work boys!”  
\---  
“Clones re-deployed?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“Memory wipe and alteration successful?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“Great work.”  
“Thank you, sir.”  
“Now, let the next experiment commence.”  
“As you wish, sir.” 


End file.
